Thursday, December 21, 2006

I don't think I really believe this poem...

... but it *is* rather witty.

It ever has been since time began,
And ever will be, till time lose breath,
That love is a mood--no more--to man,
And love to a woman is life or death.

-Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850-1919)

So, I was reading in "Mars and Venus on a Date" about how I sabotaged my potential relationship w/he of the binary numbers tattoo (if you missed that part, read my last post to catch up). Apparently, my wave crashed and I turned the tables on the pursuit while he was stretching instead of waiting for his rubberband to snap back. "OH! It's all so clear to me now!" (grrr-RRR).

Okay, so what John Gray is basically telling me is that I should heed the advice of Dr. Alan Grant: Men are like T-Rex - "[he] doesn't want to be fed, he wants to hunt!" Well flip! (Yes, "flip" is my euphamistic version of the "f" How the heck do I turn myself back into prey - especially when the would-be hunter is not in a position to notice that the would-be hunted is making herself scarce and trying not to look over her shoulder to see if she's being chased yet? I hate playing games.

Can I just ask for a do-over - please and thankyouverymuch? Who cares whether it's just to be friends or more? Cuz, y'know, where am I gonna find another Indie-Music-loving I.T. Nerd to talk Star Wars-t.v.-&-movie-shop with?

Monday, December 18, 2006

Why is it once I know what I want, I can't have it???

This happens to me ALL-the-time, in every aspect of my life.
  • Example 1
    I got a Sharper Image gift certificate for $50. I must have added nine different items to my shopping cart before narrowing it down to two that I thought I might like that weren't too terribly overpriced. I pick one via 'eeny-meeny-miny-moe' and select "check-out". In keeping with the course of the rest of my life, the item I picked is "currently unavailable and/or out-of-stock". Well, that being the case, OF COURSE, now I don't want the runner-up; it's the out-of-stock item or NOTHING! Screw Sharper Image, AND their mismanaged inventory - "Are you sure you want to cancel this order?" :::click-clack-click::: "Y-E-S."
  • Example 2
    I'm either at lunch or dinner, pouring over the menu like an IRS Auditor with a suspect return. Feeling adventurous, I bravely pick something new to try instead of an old standby. Inevitably, the kitchen is out of some critical component in my departure-of-a-selection. I should be happy to be spared the risk of paying for what could likely turn out as mediocre crap, but no, I'm not. I will be decidedly less happy for the rest of the meal because I'm quite certain I want the thing I picked that they don't have - precisely because they don't have it!!!
  • Example 3
    All the possibilities in the online personal ads world, and the one guy I pick to be the "vinegar in my volcano" fizzles out. What made me think dating would be any different?? Read on below.
Newly single after three years engaged, I jumped back into the dating pool with reckless abandon. I threw out all the old rules and decided to try something virtually unheard of in single life: I was up front and honest! I figured, no one else was doing it, so that would be my niche - my "one unique thing" to set me apart. Unfortunately, it appears it was an idea so radical, so far ahead of it's time, that not even a self-described 'nerd' with a tattoo of the binary numbers on his shin could appreciate it. And on top of that he had to be interminably cute, self-depracatingly adorable, and five years younger than me to boot.

But here's what really sucks: I'm not sure that was it at all really. In fact, I have absolutely NO IDEA what happened, or more accurately, why NOTHING happened after hours of late-night IMs, swapping quips about everything under the sun along with some really great music, and consistently being amazed at finishing each other's sentences. (Okay, so, it was more like I swapped one song and he sent me 82 songs. But still...) And actually, it wasn't really that nothing happened; we met, we liked (or so I thought), we mostly watched a couple of DVDs. Then POOF!-be-gone. What is up with that? It's not like I'm gonna go Postal on someone if they decide they'd rather be friends or just part of my past - but the courtesy of knowing their intentions, good or not-so-much, would be mucho appreciated. And if I did or said something that put us into "jump-the-shark" territory, a little help here - for future reference - would also be nice, capeche?

So, I went on a date with a new guy. Cuz, y'know, that's what you do when you're rejected with deafening silence. We watched Eragon, the boy-meets-dragon movie. It was decent - the movie, not the date per se. I mean, he was nice and everything but there couldn't've been LESS sparks between us than if he'd have been my brother (and I think I'm being kind, here). The upside, ironically, is that he felt the same way. (Whew!) He told me as much in an after-date e-mail. I guess I should be saying "ouch", but I was so relieved when I read it, I didn't have time to consider I'd just been rejected...again. At least this time there was a finality to it, instead of being left wondering, blowing in the breeze. Thanks, one-date new guy! You're a testament to the value of honesty and communication in modern dating. ATTN EVERYONE ELSE: SEE?? This is how it's SUPPOSED to work: Date. Decide. Deliver the verdict. Now, neither I nor one-date new guy has to waste any more time on one another and can happily, with clean consciences, start the process anew with someone else. How efficient!

Ever the analyst, though, I do wonder why one-date new guy didn't find me attractive in person when he seemed pleased as punch with my online photos. (Got you w/that last link, didn't I? Ha-HA!) I have concluded it's one of these two distinct possibilities: a) I'm "fluffier" in person than I appear in said online photos; b) I put out such a "you're not the guy I really want to be at this movie with, but since that guy hasn't bothered to talk to me in two weeks, I'm here with you" vibe, that no amount of initial attraction could overcome it. Or perhaps it was a combination of the two...? Anyhow, that's over and now I don't have to sit through a Christmas concert at the symphony on Thursday with one-date new guy since with his "thanks, but no thanks" e-mail, he effectively withdrew that offer, which he'd made prior to our dragon date. Don't get me wrong, I like the symphony...but I'm more of a Mozart/Beethoven/Tchaikovsky kinda gal than "Sleigh bells ring, are ya listenin'" in three movements with strings, woodwinds and a horn section.

Back to the conundrum of the "Invisible Man". If you're out there, and you're reading this, you've obviously won this round of "s/he who cares the least, wins". Be a dear and give me some pointers, would ya? I may be down for the count, but I'm no worse for the wear and am ready to get back on that horse and ride. (Three cliches including a lyrical song reference in one sentence - how can you not reward that, 'Atom'?)