Monday, July 30, 2007

I've discovered I have a superpower...

Yes, it's true. Apparently, at some point in every romantic relationship I've been in, I turn... invisible. I know this because the man that at the time comprises my other half, starts acting like I have ceased to exist. But I haven't... I mean, I blog therefore I am, right? But all of a sudden it's like I'm that teenager from that awfully disappointing but promising looking movie from a few months ago, where no one can hear him or see him; he's still around, but people act like he's not even there. Remember? (Come to think of it... I started to sense something wasn't quite right in my latest coupling about the same time that movie came out... coincidence or telling curse? Hmmmm....)

I can personally vouch for the fact that invisibility sounds way cooler than it actually is... especially in relationships. You go from someone calling you every day to never answering when you call them; from making plans to spend time together and actually spending time together, to being stood up when you've both agreed on a time and place just to talk... or get your things back (even though getting your things back wasn't really the priority - you just want them to lay eyes on you so you don't feel like you're invisible anymore). You go from feeling like you had finally met your other half, to feeling ...completely empty.

Now that I know about the phenomenon, from what I can tell the biggest problem with being endowed with such an ability, is not knowing when it is that I start to turn invisible, or being able to pinpoint the trigger. I mean, everyone knows having a superpower is NO FUN unless you can learn to control it. Where would Spiderman be without the power to sling webs at a moment's notice? Probably splatted on the sidewalk somewhere. What if Superman's heat vision burned people alive every time he looked their way? Two words: Lois Flame. And lastly, how would Jamie Somers had ever learned to cook if she couldn't keep from squeezing a lemon into oblivion everytime she picked one up? (Okay, I know, that last one was a stretch...).

But seriously, how am I ever going to find my happy ending, if my part in the story always ends up being written in disappearing ink? Maybe I can't keep from turning invisible, but there has to be some sort of reagent that will bring me back into focus without shocking the relationship. But what?

I'd love to hear some ideas. Preferably from "he who shall not be named". But at this point, I'll take what I can get.